Wednesday, August 31, 2011

System Changes Needed

Our Ministry of Education has invested 230 million dollars into the social issue of bullying, yet the numbers have not changed

What I mean when I say that is The World Health Organization (WHO) has decreed bullying a “global social health problem”. It has reached epidemic proportions. In fact, a 2009 WHO report rated Canada 26th out of 35 developed nations surveyed. Bullying has direct criminal, mental, educational and physical health implications. This is a societal problem and not just one for our Ministry of Education to tackle on it’s own.

It’s also time for systemic changes. There is a roadblock involved at the school board level right now, and it is as a direct result of the way our legislation is written. You may not be aware, but if a student has been suspended for bullying, that suspension can be challenged and examined. There is an appeal process. On the other hand, bullied pupils and their parents are not in a position to challenge the principal’s choice to not exercise suspension as a form of accountability. This is the roadblock my own family ran into.

It’s time to stop treating the bullies as faceless entities, and get to the source of their contempt and motive. It’s time to put into place further resources for their victims. It’s time to implement concrete supports for our bystanders so that they can find the courage to report, and stand up to say “not here, not now”. It is time to work together.

A recent report released by the Thames Valley District School Board has indicated that there is a direct link between bullying and mental health issues........for all involved. As a direct result of bullying, once happy, healthy and academically successful students turn into students with anxiety, depression and substance abuse. Now we have a bigger problem. Motivation and success slowly starts to slip away, and at great cost.

In Ontario all schools have to follow the Ministry of Education definition of bullying: “Bullying is typically a form of repeated, persistent and aggressive behaviour directed at an individual or individuals that is intended to cause (or should be known to cause) fear and distress and/or harm to another person’s body, feelings, self-esteem or reputation. Bullying occurs in a context where there is a real or perceived power imbalance.”

I don’t know how old that definition is, but experts now state that it doesn’t have to be a “repeated” act. Once, just once, is enough.

How many of you here today understand what a bully really is? Or, how many of you think being bullied is just a normal part of growing up. There are a number of misconceptions out there over those very two things.

First of all, our experts will tell you it’s not a normal part of growing up or a right of passage. It’s not an issue where you tell your kids “suck it up” or “ignore it”. It is an extremely serious health problem which will adversely affect a lot of people if you truly don’t understand the ramifications.

The Bully

There are four markers of bullying. They consist of an imbalance of power, intent to harm, threat of further aggression, and when that aggression escalates ....terror. Bullying is not about anger, or even about conflict. It’s about contempt, a feeling of dislike toward someone considered by the bully to be worthless, inferior or un-derserving of respect. Contempt comes with three apparent psychological advantages that allow kids to harm others without feeling empathy, compassion or shame. The bully can feel any one of the following three things:

1. A sense of entitlement, which is the right to control, dominate and abuse another human being.
2. An intolerance towards difference.
3. The liberty to exclude, bar or isolate a person deemed not worthy of respect or care.


The Bullied

There is one thing that all kids who are bullied have in common. This is that the bully or a bunch of bullies has targeted them. Each bullied child was singled out to be the object of scorn and the recipient of bullying, merely because he or she was different in some way.

As a parent, would you know what to look for in your child that might be a warning sign that your child is being bullied. Or, if you are a student who has been bullied, have you ever done any of the following things.

Here are some warning signs:

1. Shows an abrupt lack of interest in school, or refuses to go to school.
2. Takes an unusual route to school.
3. Suffers a drop in grades.
4. Withdraws from family and school activities.
5. Is hungry after school.
6. Steals money from home.
7. Makes a beeline for the bathroom when arriving home.
8. Is sad, sullen, angry or scared after receiving a phone call or e-mail.
9. Does something out of character.
10. Has torn or missing clothing.
11. Uses derogatory or demeaning language when talking about peers.
12. Has stomach aches, headaches, panic attacks and is unable to sleep, sleeps too much.

There is one other extremely important thing that bullied kids do. They don’t tell anyone that they are being targeted because they are:

1. ashamed
2. they are afraid of retaliation
3. they don’t think anyone can or will help them
4. they have bout into the lie that bullying is a necessary part of growing up
5. they might believe that adults are part of that lie because they bully too
6. “rating” on a peer is not cool

Now we have the bystander who many experts say plays the most important role

Bystanders are the third group of players in this tragedy. They are the supporting cast who aid and abet the bully. They stand idly by or look away, or they can actively encourage the bully or they join in and become one of a bunch of bullies. However, bullying is challenged when the majority of bystanders stand up against cruel acts. When this is done, a new norm will be established. Since much of the bullying goes on “under the radar of adults” a force to be reckoned with is the bystander showing bullies that they will not be looked up to, nor will their cruel behaviour be tolerated. They can become active witnesses standing up for their peers and speaking out against injustices, and taking responsibility for what happened amongst themselves.

If you are a parent who wants to inform their school of a bullying situation, there is protocol that must be followed. A chain of command for a lack of a better term. Visit your board website. Familiarize yourself with the Code of Conduct and Safe School Policy and of utmost importance, conduct yourself in a respectful and professional manner if you want your voice to be heard.

If your matter does not get resolved at the school board level, there are other options available. As a community, we must all work together.

I ask that you inform and educate yourself on this issue. Your child may not be a bully, a bystander, or victim now, but they could be some day. Have some open dialogue with your children on this issue at the dinner table some time.



Excerpts from The Bully, the bullied, and the bystander, by Barbara Coloroso

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